Increasing my chances?

I am looking for a new job and I want to spice up my resume. At the moment all I have is my report card from junior primary (solid C minus across the board) and a special ed certificate for outstanding achievement in the field of cross-stitching. I want to add something that will pad things out without overdoing it. At my last interview they questioned my Jedi Knight qualifications - and were not impressed by my "bendy spoon" trick as a display of the Force.

Increasing my chances?
If you're a little more open to the idea of taking off your pants, a whole new world will open up for you.
Reply:tell them u can lick your own nipples...that always works for me...happy day:)
Reply:lol try your bendy FORK trick... that will certainly make you stand out..


good luck!
Reply:i dont see a need to spice anything up. you go.
Reply:Include under Leadership heading -





Presides as Dungeon Master for weekly D%26amp;D game sessions in Grandmother's basement (D%26amp;D headquarters). 12 years experience at creating and implimenting exciting scenarios for indepth roleplaying and keeping 7th level elves (Walter) from successfully completeing Expedition to Castle Ravenloft (10 times). Eat it, Walter!
Reply:Add this...I answer over 150 life threating question a day
Reply:I can do the "bendy spoon" trick too..haha..i think anybody can...maybe you should put computer skills on your resume, hopefully that will "spice" things up a bit.
Reply:Does your resume include your accomplishments as:


Mr Nude Chess Club, 1998, 1999 and 2003 (finalist 2005)
Reply:Talk about Hope Solo