I'm 22, very attractive, talented in the performing arts, fun to be around, and natural sense of humour. I'm a nice guy who puts his foot down only when it is necessary. I really mean it when I commit to someone and that person does the same. Not to brag or anything, but I know for a fact that I'm one of the best men out there that a girl would ever want and many of the women I'm gonna tell you about have said the same:
Girl #1 - I was 14, we were going out for 2 months, we met online, had no complaints about her. This was mostly my fault b'cuz I didn't know how to handle relationships, so it ended due to my lack of action.
Girl #2 - I was 15 going on 16, we met online, mostly talked on the phone, didn't get to see each other much for two reasons: 1) Her mother was a cruel, careless witch who wanted nothing for her daughter (so she was seeing me "secretly"); 2) She had an older guy friend online whom she never met but he was always putting things in her head and trying to end the relationship b'cuz he wanted her all to himself. So she had a hard time making up her own mind, she thought of killing herself a couple times. So this one was not my fault but rather her mother and mostly that idiot she knew. Lasted for 6 months.
Girl #3 - I was 16. Knew this girl for a couple years, she was a few years older than me. Year #1 was perfect. Year #2 she lost her job, lots of bad things started happening with her, she got very depressed no matter how much I helped, she tried breaking up with me on and off, started seeing ghosts and dead people, dolls talking to her, turning evangelist, etc. Oh and did I mention there was no sex included with all that crazy stuff? Absolutely not my fault.
Girl #4 - I was 18. We were only together for two weeks. This is my fault because I scared her away, it was right after the previous one ended and I guess I was trying to rekindle what I had lost and had been missing out on.
Girl #5 - 18 yrs old. Together for a couple months. This girl was down for EVERYTHING and I mean everything, she was hot too and very sweet personality. But the problem was that she was down for way too much, she was a bit too slow, said yes to almost anything, that was kind of a turn off. If she can say yes to anything, then imagine some other guy coming along while and I'm with her and... you know.
Girl #6 - 19 yrs old. Ooooo boy, complete and total b****. I'll tell you right now, the only thing she was good for was the sex, outside of that, she was a selfish, stuck-up, and cold-hearted chick who spent more time trying to de-edify than anything else. Lasted for about 3 months.
Girl #7 - I was 19 as well. This one is definitely my fault. She girl was sooooooooo sweet to me, like the perfect best friend. There were a lot of mixed signals though. We went on one date, everything was fine, then at the end I tried to kiss her but she laughed and was like what is it? I said nothing. Couple months later, I met Girl #8 and she met a new guy, she called me up, we talked and then asked me why I didn't kiss her. I was shocked, I told her the truth, she said its ok we're still good friends. I still know her to this day but we don't talk much anymore cuz shes so occupied with that guy she met back then, they're still together and she is so IN LOVE with this man its crazy, talking bout how shes all about building up a foundation with him. I feel like I missed out.
Girl #8 - Was still 19. She was 4 years older, knew her for 6 months then we got married. We were gonna marry sometime in the far future but only did it then for financial reasons cuz she was in this online business. So we didn't get out own place until a year later, then I discovered her true self -- A huge anger problem, a menstrual disorder, gave herself too much work to do and didn't want any of my help regardless, the house always looked like hurricane katrina complete with bug infestations (you should have seen the fridge), didn't matter if I spent 9 hours one day cleaning the whole place myself, she messed it up again. We got into more fights than anything else, she didn't wanna do anything, no sex, going out, etc. It ended by the time I was 21.
Finally, Girl #9 - Presently dating right now for about 2 months. Ok, everything is perfect with this relationship, it's going smooth. The one thing that stands out is the chemistry, it is unlike any that I've had with the past women, it is C-R-A-Z-Y chemistry and we get along so perfectly. Here's the problem: Her parents (she's 19) don't care about her, they don't know how to show her they love her. See, she wasn't supposed to be born at birth, it was her and her brother, something happened and she wasn't supposed to make it, she thinks it has something to do with that. But her mom won't let her go out and experience life, she always wants to know where she is, always questioning what she's eating at home or why she's sitting a certain way or looking a certain way. So she has to "secretly" see me, we do this at least once a week, mostly after midnight though when her parents are at work. If its during the day, I have to call out of work cuz I work in the day, I did this twice already and I had a job interview that I went to each time after I saw her in the day, so it wasn't just for seeing her. She's moving to Atlanta with her family in July (they got a new house there), shes gonna go to school there for 2 years then come back here to NY. We both want to continue the relationship long distance until she gets back and take turns visiting each other periodically. I would move down there but I currently make $24,000 a year so ummm..... NO. Yeah you know it does cost money to travel, even worse, move.
On a positive note, I really feel like this one can work. I feel more aware and conscious of doing things the right way this time around. I wanna continue and build a foundation with this girl. We're so into each other, there have been no problems outside of her twisted parents. But man I tell ya, if her folks weren't that way, this would be one HOT relationship if they'd her go out, we can do so much more together -- movies, parks, have dinner, long walks, summer time, all that good stuff... oh man. But unfortunately, everyone else is doing that with their normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
So what do you think? Is my love life cursed or what? I'm not saying I'm not happy with this current girl, I am despite the dark lords of the sith *cough* sorry i mean her parents. But I'm just saying isn't it ironic that God never grants a great guy like me to have a normal relationship? My definition of normal relationship = The girl I'm with now but with normal parents.
Is it me or is my love life simply cursed?
Okay man. I got to level with you right off the back. You say the relationship is smooth and great, but how is it going so well when you cannot even connect with the girl, let alone, the parents? Before getting past the point of no return, I recommend you sit back and think what this relationship will look like if you married this girl. Think how this will change you and her. Now, I recommend you form a list of what you think she can contribute to a relationship, and what you can contribute to a relationship. (The things that hold a relationship together like honesty, commitement, funny, attractive, etc). Write a second list of those things that you and your girlfriend do that can destroy the relationship, or make it real bumpy. (Get specific. No since of lying to yourself). If the good benefits of you and your girlfriend outweigh the bad "hurdles" you will be presented with or could be presented with, then your relationship has a chance. If you are confident that this relationship deserves the effort, continue on.
Step 2: Two things concern me the most as you told your story: your girlriend has highly controlling parents, and you two live a substantially loong distance away from each other. Starting with the parents. Remember, her parents, whether they treated her like a diamond or dirt, they are still there and they still influence her in huge ways. The question is: How much do the parents really influence her attitude? Is she just being rebellious right now, or is this her true self? Just on my perspective, it seems she is just going through a rebellious moment, for she is mostly seeing you and keeping in contact with you secretly, without her parents knowledge. This can be extremely damaging if the parents forbid you two seeing each other, not just to you (losing a potentially wonderful girl), but to her as well (losing any respect and trust she gained with her parents plus you). You must find a way to prevent yourself from looking so secretive and find a way to open up communications with the parents. If you truly want to be with her, eventually you are going to have to meet the parents. Suddenly appearing on the doorstep and saying I'm engaged, to the parents, with their little girl can really start some carnage! Try to demonstrate a friendship with the girl to the parents and see if that works. At least try to get it to the point to where the parents do not mind seeing you two together. (You might have to hold off on the sexual urges and glances around the parents). If you got okay parents, try to get them to loosen the dirt as well with her parents (or a sister if you got one!). Above all else, she needs to know your parents, and you need to know hers. Whether good or bad, you will have a hard time understanding her, and her understanding you, if you cannot even determine how you two were brought up during the good times and bad times in your life. Try to use this time between now and July to at least get things started.
Long distance relationship: By far, extremely difficult. For this to work, communication will have to be a definite focal point. Make sure before she goes that you two will be able to communicate effectively about the good things, the bad things, and definetly the ugly things. During the time of separation, focus on getting to know each other intently. She may not want to, and you may not either, but you two must explore each other, and learn to accept each other. Remember also, some things you must allow her to solve on her own. Being the guy with all the answers will form an unhealthy attachment with her to you, which you will loathe. Try to offer advice, but if she does not drop the subject, allow her to vent! If her parents are like you say they are, you are going to have to listen to her vent A LOT!! Allow her this process of healing, and she will respect you and love you deeply. Connect with her. Do not make her feel as if you do not like listening to her or understand her. Acknowledge that you heard her, and even dig into yourself and let her know, I know what you are going through. (No man or woman is an island. We just like to perceive ourselves as such.) If possible, try not to focus on sexual cues much. She may say okay, but she may have not built a structually sound backbone, (do to her lifestyle right now) and may agree to anything you say. (Girl #5 ring any bells)? Promote her from time to time to admit when she does or does not like something you do. Allow her to critisize from time to time, but allow her to know where your boundaries are at times as well. Also, try to arrange a visit from her every once in a while. Take pictures, write to her, send her a postcard, let her know that you are still thinking about her even when you are not talking. Encourage her to do the same. Phone conversations don't compare when a girl has wrote you a love poem that you can read over and over again! Finally, use this time to reflect on youself as well. If this relationship is going to work, you must know your bearings and she must know hers. Figure out what previous relationships have taught you, and how you could have responded. Try to focus not on what they did wrong, but what you did wrong, whether you did everything right or not. Nobody is perfect, and if you reflect like this, you will find many things you could have done to alter the results of your previous girlfriends. (This one will be pretty tough, but keep focus on learning, not condenscending yourself. A mistake is not an error until you refuse to correct the mistake). Try to improve your current relationship with such reflections, and ask for help if you need it! Encourage her to do the same, and I am sure you two will do fine!
Don't give up and do your best. I am rooting for you!!
Reply:No. i think you are doing great.
rosemary
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