Can someone edit my paper for me, for grammer and puntuation?

Julia Duncan


Professor Whiting


English 100


22 April 2008


The Disney College Program is better than working on a semester of Cochise College. I would like to talk to you about the history of each program. Both of these programs are special to me in different ways. Also I have two personal experiences to share about; my interview for the College Program and the math class I had to take last semester. Besides sharing the history I would like to tell about the advantages and disadvantages of each program. I would like to give you a better understanding of why the Disney College Program is better than a semester of Cochise College.


The Disney Web page told me that “the Disney College Program made its debut in 1981. In the early days, it consisted of slightly more than 200 students from 30 schools working in our one theme park, the Magic Kingdom Park. Since its debut, more than 45,000 students have participated representing hundreds of schools, and each of the program components (Living, Learning and Earning) has evolved to create the opportunity of a lifetime!” Also I read on the Cochise College website that “Cochise College opened its doors in 1964 as one of the first community colleges in Arizona. Today, we provide high-quality associate's-level education, professional development and workforce training to about 14,000 students each year.” Although Cochise College has a lot to offer its students to learn about, it doesn’t have the hands on experience in the work force that the Disney College Program has to offer.


Two of my own experiences that I would like to share with you are; what happened on the day I interviewed for the Disney College Program, and how I made it through the difficult work in Math 82. So, it was back in February and I was dressed in a suit, which was unlike my usual casual attire of jeans and a t-shirt. I was on my way to interviewing for the Disney College Program. This was the day after my great grandmother’s death, so I was very sad. But either way, I mustered up enough courage to walk through the door and shake hands with the announcer. As the presentation went on I noticed how prestigious the whole company was, and realized that this is something I really wanted. She interviewed everyone two at a time and after she asked some tough questions I knew I hadn’t been accepted. Two months later, after debating everyone's files, I got an acceptance letter in the mail and cried because I was so happy.


My story about Cochise would have to be how last semester I took Math 82, when I took the placement test I tested very low, but I have always done badly in math. Well I took it, and at first I was doing so well that I thought, ¡§This will be so easy.¡¨ But once I got into the groove of things I found it to be one of the most difficult classes I have taken. I almost thought I was going to fail by the end of the final, but in January my results came back as a C. I was so relieved I hadn't failed, that the C didn't bother me that much, and I figured I would make it up with my future college classes. Although I haven't been in the Disney College Program yet, I know that it is a task that will soon befall upon me and the experience I have told is one that I am feeling at this moment. Although it took a long time to get an acceptance letter back, I did and it gave me the confidence that I didn't earn after taking the college class.


There are many advantages and disadvantages to tell about the Disney College Program and about Cochise College. The advantages of the Disney College Program are, the opportunities to earn credits through certain classes, earn job experience, and get a fabulous recommendation.


Another advantage is being able to move to another state and come back and finish college when ready. Also many friends become lifelong ones, and learning to live on one's own isn't a bad aspect. Not needing to have an adult help with everything can apply to living alone and surviving in the job world. Being able to learn to cook, make the bed, and get up and go to work on time are all advantages later in life. The advantages of doing a semester of Cochise College are getting to earn credits, learning about the subject of choice, and earning friends. While both are social programs, the Disney one will give more independence and help your speech. This is because you are working on an independent level with all different kinds of people and you talk to so many that your speech will overall improve. The disadvantages of staying and working on college from out of high school are you have barely any break, and might drop out, if the work load is too heavy. The disadvantages of the Disney Career Start Program are that it takes time away from your main education. All these advantages and disadvantages show why each have many elements and reasons that taking a semester away from Cochise College is a good idea if accepted into this program.


The Disney College Program is a hard working job, but is better than working on a semester of Cochise College. The Disney College Program is not only fun but it offers a lot of opportunities to better one's future. And if given the chance everyone should take it. There is a lot of background information as to how Cochise College and The Disney College Program started. This tells everyone who wants to attend how each became such a great company. The two experiences I talked about were both how I succeeded, and I wanted to show the contrast in the accomplishments. And after all the necessary information it was best to put in the advantages and disadvantages that make these two company's grand, and how the Disney College Program can better one semester of a person's life.


Duncan 5


Julia Duncan


Cochise.Edu. “Cochise College: Then and Now."07 May 07. 22 Apr. 2008 %26lt;%26gt;.http://www.cochise.edu/information/visit...


Wdwcollegeprogram. "Program Overview."22 Apr. 2008 %26lt;%26gt;.http://www.wdwcollegeprogram.com/sap/its...

Can someone edit my paper for me, for grammer and puntuation?
if you send me your email address i will emal you the edit.
Reply:Definitely take out "I would like to talk to you about the history of each program." In regards to this part "I would like to give you a better understanding of why the Disney College Program is better than a semester of Cochise College.". generally, you should never say things that you are going to do...i.e., i would like to talk to you, I would like to give you a better understanding, etc. because that is already implied when you are writing the paper. You should replace the second quote above with something like " The disney College Program is better than a semester of Cochise college because......"





In your introduction, give the reasons why you think disney is better, and then your central point would be "Because of "the reasons, disney is better.





Instead of "the disney webpage told me" you should say "According to the Disney webpage, the college made its debut in 1981....."





You should really try to avoid using first person in papers, unless it focuses on YOU, and YOUR OPINION. You are trying to make the point that one is better than the other. You must therefore support your argument with concrete and factual evidence, which has nothing to do with you.





Just some pointers...Hope this helps.